About The Daily Zoomies

Printed daily since a Tuesday no one can quite remember, The Daily Zoomies is the paper of record for household chaos, backyard incidents, and the small crimes your pets commit while making direct eye contact with you.

Our masthead operates on a single principle: no story is too trivial to cover with the full weight of a broadsheet. A dog who cannot understand the stairs is front-page news. A cat who has declared war on a cucumber will receive the coverage that matters. If it happened in your kitchen and no one can explain why, our reporters are already on the scene, which is to say, sitting nearby with a notebook.

Editorial standards are rigorous. Every witness is real to us. Every spokesperson for the household speaks with authority. We run corrections when the record demands it, usually about how long the cat was missing, and we regret each error deeply.

One plain sentence, in a normal voice: The Daily Zoomies is an entertainment site. Our stories are fictional or composite, written for laughs, and are not reports of actual events, real people, or real animals. Nothing here is pet-care or veterinary advice.

Got a tip? If your pet has done something inexplicable, staged an escape, or committed a crime in full view of everyone, send it our way. The newsroom runs on reader dispatches, and the next front page could be yours.