RAVENSWHISK3:02 A.M.
RACCOON EXECUTES FLAWLESS OVERNIGHT PORCH HEIST, LEAVES ONLY MUDDY HANDPRINTS AND QUESTIONS
A sealed bin, a latched lid, and a bungee cord were all defeated by a suspect with, investigators stress, no thumbs.
The Weird Wildlife Desk
Weird Wildlife
Dispatches from the yard and the parking lot, where the wildlife has read the warnings and remains unbothered.
QUACKENBUSH7:58 A.M.
SUBURBAN GOOSE ANNEXES ENTIRE PARKING LOT, ISSUES NO DEMANDS
Commuters report the goose 'has not asked for anything' and yet somehow controls all four rows of spaces.
GERBILTON6:40 A.M.
GERBIL 'KNEW EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS DOING,' SAY WITNESSES TO OVERNIGHT CAGE ESCAPE
Suspect returned to the cage voluntarily by morning, offering no explanation and, officials say, 'looking pleased.'
MEADOWMOLT9:15 A.M.
BACKYARD SQUIRREL DEFEATS 'SQUIRREL-PROOF' FEEDER, INVESTIGATORS CALL IT 'AN INSIDE JOB'
Manufacturer's guarantee lasted an estimated forty minutes; the squirrel has since filed no comment and eaten everything.
Other desks
The Morning Edition