SUBURBAN GOOSE ANNEXES ENTIRE PARKING LOT, ISSUES NO DEMANDS

AA single Canada goose has established uncontested control over a suburban office parking lot in Quackenbush, sources confirmed this week, holding the territory for six consecutive days without making any demands, statements, or visible plans.

The goose first appeared last Tuesday near the lot's entrance and has not left since. Witnesses report it patrols the rows on foot, stations itself in high-traffic walkways, and periodically hisses at anyone who approaches within what it considers its perimeter, "which changes, and which is always exactly where you're trying to go."

"Nobody knows what it wants," said one commuter, speaking from inside her car, where she had been waiting for eleven minutes. "It's not eating anything. There's no water nearby. It just stands there. It runs this lot now. We all know it."

Employees have adapted by parking farther away, taking indirect routes to the building, and, in several cases, waiting inside their vehicles until the goose "moves on to a different part of the lot, which it does on its own schedule, for its own reasons."

Attempts to encourage the goose to relocate have been abandoned. "You don't shoo a goose," one witness said flatly. "The goose shoos you. That's the arrangement now. We've accepted it."

Officials note the goose appears to be entirely alone, with no nest, no mate, and no apparent objective. "That's the unsettling part," one observer said. "A goose defending a nest, you understand. This goose defends the concept of the parking lot. There's nothing to protect. It just wants it."

By week's end, staff had begun referring to the goose by name, leaving it a respectful distance, and, in the words of one employee, "generally hoping to stay on its good side."

The goose has issued no comment and, sources stress, wants nothing. This is a developing situation.