FETCHBURG3:48 P.M.
DOG BURIES SINGLE BISCUIT IN SOFA CUSHIONS, FORGETS LOCATION IMMEDIATELY
Elaborate concealment operation completed in full view of the household; suspect began searching for the biscuit four minutes later.
A dachshund named Pretzel spent a considerable portion of Wednesday afternoon carefully hiding a single dog biscuit in the living room sofa, then spent the remainder of the day unable to find it, sources report.
The operation began after Pretzel received the biscuit as a reward and, rather than eating it, decided to save it for later by burying it. Lacking access to actual dirt, he selected the sofa, spent several minutes nosing the treat deep between two cushions, and performed the ceremonial "covering" motion with an invisible pile of nonexistent soil.
"He did the whole thing," said a spokesperson for the household. "The digging, the pushing, the little paw-pat at the end to pack it down. It was very thorough. It was very serious. There was no dirt involved at any point."
Satisfied, Pretzel walked away. Approximately four minutes later, witnesses say, he returned to the couch and began searching for the biscuit with growing urgency, "as though someone else had taken it."
The search escalated. Pretzel checked under the sofa, behind the sofa, and inside a shoe, before staring at the household with what one family member called "a look of complete accusation."
"He thinks we stole it," the spokesperson said. "We watched him hide it. We know exactly where it is. We are not allowed to tell him. He has to find it himself. Those are apparently the rules."
The biscuit was recovered days later during a routine couch cleaning, at which point Pretzel showed no recognition of it whatsoever and buried it again, in a different cushion, with the same result.
Canine memory specialists declined to comment, citing "the sheer number of times this happens."