LABRADOR NAMED PRIME SUSPECT IN DISAPPEARANCE OF ENTIRE ROTISSERIE CHICKEN

AAuthorities within a Houndstooth household have named the family's black Labrador, Duke, as the sole suspect in the disappearance of a full rotisserie chicken that vanished from the kitchen counter Tuesday during a window of roughly ninety seconds.

The chicken, purchased for that evening's dinner, was left unattended while a family member "went to get a plate. That was it. That was the whole crime window." Upon returning, they discovered the counter empty, the packaging on the floor, and Duke sitting nearby "looking like he'd never eaten anything in his life."

No chicken was recovered. Investigators found only a faint grease trail and a suspect who, sources say, "would not make eye contact but was also wagging."

"There were no other dogs in the house," the family member said. "There's no one else it could be. He has chicken on his whiskers. He's still doing the innocent face. He's committed to it."

Duke has maintained his innocence through a consistent strategy of lying down, looking sad, and offering his paw. Officials describe this as "his entire defense" and note it has, historically, worked.

Forensic review of the scene suggests the chicken was consumed in its entirety in under a minute, "bones and all, which honestly worries us more than the theft," a household spokesperson said. A follow-up appointment confirmed Duke was fine, "which he did not deserve to be."

The case marks the third counter-surfing incident this month, following the vanishing of a stick of butter and an entire birthday cupcake that was, witnesses insist, "right in the middle of the table."

Asked whether Duke faced consequences, the household confirmed he was told he was a bad boy in a stern voice, after which he rolled over for a belly rub and received one. "We are not equipped for this," the spokesperson admitted.

This is a developing situation.